When We’re in the Wake of Collective Trauma
It seems like every day I hear of another person who lost their homes in the LA County fires. You can’t go to a grocery store, workout class, or neighborhood walk without coming into contact with another story of loss. It’s heartbreaking.
Many of us can struggle with how to cope.
We’re going through this collectively so let’s discuss how we can heal collectively.
Whenever we have any kind of loss, whether it’s from a fire, a family member passing away, a miscarriage—you name it—we can experience a range of distressing feelings. Sometimes this is on a personal level and other times, it impacts a wide swath of people. Terror, grief, shock, overwhelm, anger, disappointment, regret, guilt–it’s all there. These feelings can ebb and flow in intensity and sometimes come on with powerful intensity or oppositely we can feel numb and have trouble identifying any feelings.
There’s no doubt that this takes a toll on our mental health, particularly if we are tapping into our empathy for the experience of others. When we put ourselves in the shoes of another person and imagine what it would be like to experience loss at that level (or if we are in fact living out the magnitude of loss directly), it’s practically beyond comprehension. Especially with these fires, this is going to be a long-standing loss that will take years to rectify.
This carries with it great fatigue as people encounter barrier after barrier and loss after loss.
In this particular case, it also becomes increasingly difficult for those who have lost their homes because it can feel like everyone else is “moving on,” and even forgetting about what happened while they are still in the throes of recovery. This is why it is so important that we make a committed effort to support our friends and family who have been impacted not just in the coming weeks, but the coming months and years. And sadly, that is an exhausting reality for all parties.
So what do we do when we feel absolutely overwhelmed by it all?
We need to give ourselves tremendous grace. We need compassion when we feel tapped out emotionally and we then feel guilty that we don’t have more left in the tank.
Instead of shaming ourselves when we feel numbed or overwhelmed or unable to support others, we need to be intentional with our self-care and then mindfully re-engage emotionally when we are ready.
We also have to know that these many, many heavy moments will also hold moments of lightness and connection in between and that can be life-giving. It is not often a pure path of pain. Reminding ourselves of how much others love and care for us, and want to support us in our pain is essential. Many people struggle with accepting help, including allowing others to hold us emotionally, but this is where much healing can take place if we let others in.
And we can’t just brush all this aside.
Each of us needs to find a way to honor our losses. Whether it’s with a painting or drawing of your house if you lost it, a special ceremony to recognize what was, or a memento that symbolizes what something meant to you, acknowledge what has happened in a meaningful way.
We are collectively grieving right now and we’re experiencing a form of actual and metaphorical death with the loss of so much. In a culture that is so averse to death and loss, this is especially foreign to us. When we can learn to sit with the reality of our loss and not run away from it, we can begin moving through the pain. That’s powerful.
Healing is not a matter of days or weeks. It’s a slow restoration that is rebuilt, like a house, with time.
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Dr. Lauren Cook is a licensed clinical psychologist, company consultant, and author that helps teams create and maintain workplaces that seek wellness for every employee. By integrating evidence-based practices with heart, Dr. Lauren will collaborate with you to develop the committed and connected staff your company wants and needs.